Soniferous Fish

Learning about singing fish illuminated an aspect of human behavior recently. Many species of fish sing seasonally, as a mating call, and can be quite loud. So that thumping bass emanating from the dune-buggy at 4 a.m. is really saying, “Choose me, choose me. Ch-ch-ch-ch-choose ME.” Same with the battle of the bands on a dark street adjacent to the boatyard. “Baby baby, choose ME.”

The so-called music here doesn’t usually appeal to me. Evidently, I’m not the target demographic. Well, different fish have different tones to attract the mates they prefer. To each its own. I still find the high decibels and raucous songs annoying, but I’m able to laugh about it now before inserting earplugs. Ch-ch-ch-choose ME!

“Change the story to suit you.” The words arrive in my brain as I awaken, and play on repeat until I write them in a notebook. Followed by, “People don’t let you down, they re-route you.”

Like those four storms at sea that blew me here, re-routing me away from the ports I was aiming for. Like the clouds of jellyfish re-routing me out of the ocean, curtailing my too-cold swim.

I used to be so determined, so righteous, so upset by what I considered appalling behavior, especially by those I loved. I was bewildered and enraged: why are you acting that way?

Why am I acting that way? Why am I expecting eggs from a rock? Humans are puzzling, ipso facto, which is a less stressful story than the ones I believed for decades. Anger still flares, of course, but if I listen to her – a man cave, really? – eventually I am able to find the humor, and/or allow myself to be re-routed. How retro! That is not the guy for you, babe.

“You fall in love with potential,” said my mother once, and she was absolutely correct, including hers. Turns out people don’t need fixing, they need acceptance. And if I don’t want to spend time with folks as they actually are, well, I don’t have to.

Walking home from the grocery store the other day, the sun’s heat re-routed me to a shadier street. When I stopped to rest, I saw a phoenix painted on the wall. That’s me: crash and burn, rise and fly, crash and burn, rise and fly. Singing as I go.