words & art by shé

bookshelf

listening to love

  • Villainess

    The relatives continue to bash me, sending regular give-me-your-inheritance communiqués. But my reactions are changing: Pain and Sorrow are taking a back seat to Anger and Humor. Anger says, Block the mo-fos! So I converse with Hope, point out that it’s been ceaseless for six months, mention previous egregious behavior, and she finally concedes. Humor…

  • Straight to the Ocean

    I was conceived in the Bahamas, on my parents’ honeymoon. Nine months later, I emerged in Arizona, a desert fish. Despite my surroundings, I managed — always — to find water to splash in, swim in, and play in. Waterbaby, they called me. My first ocean was the Pacific, off San Francisco. I was four,…

  • Muertos

    They are holding hands, leaning back and spinning. Their twirling (or maybe their laughter?) generates light. Around and round, faster and faster, gazing at each other, eyes on the prize: mother and son. There is only Love. It was time: five months after she left her body. She began the process on Johnny’s birthday, May…

  • Hungary 1989

    I got the part in Howling V. Hunh. I was sure they’d give it to the blonder cheerleader frequenting the Mary Lou callbacks, but no — I’m going to Budapest. For years I’d been saying my last name was Hungarian (it isn’t), now I’d be there — filming! — for five weeks. Got my passport,…

  • Shark

    Three feet below me, dark-skinned, about four feet long, swimming along the bottom of the sea, tail moving side to side: shark. I disagreed with, and eventually laughed at, my biological father today. I was trying to understand why he sent his bizarre attack email, but he refused to explain. He called me irrational, and…

  • Backward

    On the north shore, there’s a particular reef full of many species of fish, large and small. Sometimes I also see turtles. To access it, I rappel down the cliff, holding onto ropes with both hands and stepping backward. The beach is at the bottom. I also travel backward in time, looking hard at the…

  • Wahines on the Waves

    Bethany Hamilton. At Maureen’s this morning, a break I surfed all February, March, and April. Wow! I grew up in L.A, so celebrities don’t usually thrill me. But I am still smiling hours later after watching this professional surfista paddle out one-armed. Part of it has to do with gender. I didn’t know any girls…

  • Acting Happy

    “How did you get into acting?” asked an aficionado of Howling V recently (I played the pink-sweatered sweetie in the movie). The smart-ass answer used to be, “I’ve been acting happy my whole life.” But I was also enthralled with the performers at the Agoura Renaissance Faire when I was a kid. The costumes! The…

  • Bat Signal

    I bought the ring after Emmett died. When you pressed the button on the side, the Bat Signal lit up. It was hugely satisfying. John and I used to tear around the house with towels around our necks, fighting crime. Nanananananananana – Batman! I’d snagged the window seat on a flight to Oakland. The plane…

  • Existence

    Neither your cruelty nor your kindness have anything to do with me. I can stop trying to please or ameliorate or grovel or lie or be grateful or tiptoe. I don’t have to hide or avoid or ignore: I can speak up. I can question. I can disagree. My opinions matter. My feelings matter. I…