Anniversary

Push down to go up – that’s what dancers do, push down through the feet in order to rise, turn, and jump. Push down to go up. I did this on my surfboard recently, pushed down into the board while catching a wave, and it worked a treat. Balanced, baby! Riding easily!

This morning I remembered it again, or the body did, while walking to the surf check. I was bowed down, thinking. Body said, UNH-uh, and pushed down firmly into the ground. My chest rose, lift up your heart! and I could see more clearly. Ah! Life doesn’t have to be so hard. Look around. I can handle anything, and have done.

“When are you leaving?” my dock neighbor’s tone cuts me. She’s been curious about my plans since I arrived, and not in a friendly way. But her happiness is none of my business. I’m done making myself small for others’ pleasure. The blame and shame game is nonsense, and I am unlearning my training. Your husband ogles me? Talk to him directly, babe, and leave me out of it. And I’ll do the same, next time I catch him.

It’s been almost a year since I moved aboard Habibi, minus three and a half weeks on land. No mistake, the ocean is for me. Happy anniversary!

I haven’t traveled nearly as far as I expected – I’m still in México. But I used to drive so far, so fast, round and round, up and down. Now, no need, I am home all the time.

I’m constantly learning and practicing this new way of life, falling often into old patterns. Then I push off the bottom, catch my breath, and begin again. The old life is over. The new one is better.